worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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