how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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