you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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