Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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