Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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