you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
