He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
