Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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