is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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