your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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