Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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