Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
