I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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