The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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