I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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