He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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