My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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