I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
