so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
