flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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