i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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