sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
try to milk me bitch
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