Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
