He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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