they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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