hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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