i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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