I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
