Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
