Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
