so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
