I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
