i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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