You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He has the fingertips of a God
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