Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He passed out mid-signature
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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