This gyro tastes like lonliness
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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