call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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