LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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