if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
