Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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