so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
