He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
