I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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