Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
