The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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