is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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