If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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