This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
