I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
