Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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